Giving Thanks!

I have been reading about families in crisis here and here for a while now. Then a BGA classmate's three year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. They began a Caring Bridge site to keep everyone updated. It hit so hard for all of us. They are our age, we knew them so well, their family is so beautiful. How is this possible. I read each of their posts most every day and they break my heart.

Brad asked me the other day "Why do you read this stuff? It is so sad." I answered, "Because I have to!" I have to because they are living true faith. Each and every moment is a test, a continual re-up in their beliefs. I have not even come close to facing a test of this magnitude. However, I also know there is no promise that I will not. Each of these families at one point were JUST LIKE mine. They lived and loved and probably took things for granted like I do. I read them because I know every moment that I have lived without one of these moments is completely the road God designed for me. However, since I do not know what the rest of this road will be like, I want to say I have treasured each of the moments that I have had. I want everyone in my life to know that if my world were turned upside down tomorrow I have had so much more than I deserve, could have thought possible and even exceeds the limits that my brain will hold. Here are just a few: God's grace, God's strength, God's love, God's faithfulness, and God's power. The feel of the first flutter in my belly of a new life, the sweet smell of a newborn, and the way that newborn connects himself to a part of my body as though it were made just for him. The way a newborn first moves his mouth into a perfect "0" and looks around the world in awe. The way a woman's body is made to house, feed and nurture a new life. The transformation that takes place from early baby days into infant times and on into childhood. These days that cement the bond between mother and child yet continually change so that you are always aware that you are rearing a person to leave you and one day make their life!

The wonderful transformation a marriage takes as you are sharpened through the trials of living together, holidays, hormones, pregnancy, early baby days, and parenthood. The love that you share with your mate for your children. A love that only the two of you realize how wide and deep it extends. Also the love that grows between the two of you as you paddle with all of your might to maintain an intimacy that excludes the children.

The shoulders we have been given for our children to cry on, to carry this level of responsibility, to snuggle into, to wipe noses on and to protect our little ones from things that go bump in the night! Our hands that envelope smaller ones, give pats on the back, caress them back to sleep, hold their faces to tell them that you love them "as big as the sky and as deep as the ocean." Our eyes that gleam with pride as we watch them take their first steps and say their first words. The way I feel when Jack looks straight at me and says "Momma, do you know that I just love you so much?" The fact that I never can believe it could get any sweeter yet it continually does. I could write for days. This literally barely skims the top. These are the things that I am the most passionate about but there are also things just make me smile... like when my husband comes home a little early or a lot, a great bargain, a smooth day, popcorn and m&ms, girls lunches, fall leaves, hot cider, a tub with jets, a nap, a simple but pretty craft, date night, a passionate kiss, all four of us in the bed, holidays and all the crafts, music, decorating and activities that go with them, fresh tomatoes, travel, the smell of a bonfire, waking up to waves at the beach, fruit tea, pictures of my children, candles, watching Brad play wildly with the kids, fresh sheets, books, libraries, a funny story, the giggle that comes with finding the perfect tickle spot, the joy on a child's face that comes with a surprise, a thrill, or a new idea. This is such a small part of the list of my blessings and such a small testament to how great our God is. I always want to stay fully overwhelmed by all I have been given even if it were to end right now.

Aww sneaky sneaky!

Brad is in charge of game day field passes and distributing them. He feels very strongly that it looks bad for any of his family to be on the field since the passes are to be used for sponsors and their guests.Therefore, I will not ever get to go! However, Papa (Brad's dad) falls into both categories. So this is where it can get a little sticky. Papa went to higher powers and he and Jack went to the field this week. Maybe that is why we finally won! Ha ha! Jack had so much fun! He was running around the parking lot before the game with both arms in the arm, running in circles and saying "And another man comes running out of the tunnel!" I am not sure what that meant but I KNOW he was excited.

He went to the field through the tunnel and had the best time. His favorite player Cortland Finnegan #31 waved to him and through him a game ball. I am so glad he choose Cortland to be his favorite player. He is a great guy who is really small but plays like he is just as big as the rest of them. He knows his strengths and uses them.

He saw Brad, a referee and even TRAC getting ready for his opening skit.He truly was on cloud nine!

Once we all got back together we tried for a family picture which was a bust but we will definitely have the memories.

Thanks Papa - We love your sneaky ways!

Halloween part 2

Halloween Day began with treats...

We were supposed to have a soccer game with the team and coaches in full costume but it was rained out. That would have been a hoot! Our coaches are college kids who are really great. Our head coach and his girlfriend were Lucy and Ricky. I really wanted to see the two of them coaching four year old dress up soccer.

However, it was actually nice to have a slow morning at home. We then got dressed for trick or treat with the Titans. I am really impressed that this tradition has continued especially during this season. We had so much fun! The boys received at least 4lbs of candy. We did get some good pictures! Here are a few...

Halloween part 1

We really love to celebrate holidays at our house! Jack has caught my love for them. Many times he is pushing me to figure out new ways to incorporate holiday themed activities! He looked through some holiday magazines and asked if we could make this or eat that.

We love to pick out pumpkins and carve them while listening to Halloween music. This year we carved three pumpkins. He is very much into things being spooky this year (However, it is still very much on a four year old level!) So we carved one as a skeleton, one as a cat, and one has a flaming jack-o- lantern.

We had movie night with my favorite snack,popcorn with m&ms. We watched Night at the Museum. Jack's first a little bit scary movie. We also made Carmel apples with mini-chocolate chips and new this year popcorn balls! It will be our last though! No one liked them!

Also, new (and really having much more to do with H week) we made a haunted house.

Awwww

Cole is ready to walk! I said it would be by Halloween! It is not today but it will be any day! So that lead to the wonderful tradition of going to Lonnie Young to be fitted for Cole's 1st pair of white walkers!

This time we even had four generations of McClanahans with us! Brad's beautiful and so very spry Mamaw came with us for the special event!

A big thanks to Gigi who takes us every time!

I can't believe my baby is ready to walk! Sniffle Sniffle!

There are heroes among us

This past week was H week! I will post later about the tremendous amount of fun we had but I wanted to do a special post just about one "H" in particular - Heroes! Superheroes are a BIG part of our lives right now. Jack and Cole are superheroes for Halloween. Jack was invited to a superhero birthday party and has already decided that he will have a superhero fifth birthday party as well. We tell Jack adventures of Super Jack each and every night. These stories always include Super Jack saving the day! He loves to hear these adventures and the worst punishment is to loose the privilege of a Super Jack story

While H week was upon us, I read from a book entitled The Children's Book of Heroes. A poem called "Only a Dad" by Edgar Guest about a father caught my eye. I read it and I was stunned to recognize just how much of a hero we have living right in our home. Brad does an amazing job at work. He literally does the job of three men. He does love it so I know that makes it easier but he still works very long hours and for many days in a row. This past week was the bye week. This is the first time he has had a day off in months. This could have meant that he would just whole up somewhere and lay around and only come out for food. However, this is not what happened at all. He took Jack to school twice last week. He was so excited to get to drop him off. He called me both days to give me a report and to tell me how much fun he had. After Jack's soccer game he took him to the park and then home to watch the UT/ Bama game. He finished off the night cuddling Jack in the floor to have movie night! He is not only Jack's hero but little Cole is saying "da da da da" and leaning to him to get in his cuddles as well.

During this week he got another star on his hero cape in the husband department as well! He took me on a wonderful date to Flemings. He went into work late and came home early. Also, he went on a BIG grocery trip for me,I took TWO naps and he trimmed the hedges. Yep Ladies he is mine all mine!!

During the long hours and the hard days I forget, I feel entitled, I can play 57 rounds of tit for tat and for all of that I am truly sorry! This week was a wonderful reminder that I have a wonderful man!Thank you for saving the day!

The poem goes like this:

Only a Dad

Only a dad with a tired face,

Coming home from the daily race,

Bringing home little of gold or home

To show how well he has played the game

But glad in his heart that his own rejoice

To see him come and to hear his voice.

Only a dad with a brood of four,

One of ten million men or more

Plodding along in the daily strife,

Bearing the whips and scorns of life,

with never a whimper of pain or hate,

For the sake of those who at home await.

Only a dad,neither rich nor proud,

Merely one of the surging crowd,

Toiling,striving from day to day,

Facing whatever may come his way,

Silent whenever the harsh condemn,

And bearing it all for the love of them

Only a dad but he gives his all,

To smooth the way for his children small,

Doing with courage stern and grim

The deeds that his father did for him.

This is the line that for him I pen:

Only a dad,but the best of men.

Love

When Jack was born 5 weeks early I decided he needed to spend those five weeks as much like the womb as possible so we just cuddled on the couch and I read and it was beautiful. After a few months, I began a journal for him. I wrote in it every month .We played all day every day and went on many adventures. However, I was also a bottle of nerves. Was I being the mother that I had envisioned? I was constantly self assessing and feeling as though I was falling short. Every bruise,scrape or boo boo I took hard. I read as many parenting books as I could get my hands on. This is something I highly recommend unless you make them into a checklist of how you are falling short as I did. How is he comparing to other children? As a former teacher, I had an eagle's eye on his progress. Once he began to talk and emerge into himself, I relaxed a lot. Jack is very clever funny and just a great kid.

Then while I was pregnant with Cole I once again began to incite an internal mental hullabaloo of questions. How would I love another child this much. How can I invest the same amount of time an energy into another? What will this do to Jack. How will our family change? What will I do with one up in the middle of the night with the other waking at daylight? Ahhhhh

So this time around, Cole did not get to cuddle on the couch or get my undivided attention for the enire day but he has gotten so much more. I am much calmer ( stop snickering) than I was with Jack. I am wiser. I have come to relax more in the fact that these children are only on loan to us from God. I do not have to do it perfectly. If anything near perfection is my goal I will only fail them. Even still I have failed them many times. I will fail them many more time. I can not be the parenting book. I felt that each day must be full, not only with activities but educational, life lessons or some type of training. These days are definitely full of some of that but I am much more aware of how fleeting this time is and the pure sweetness that I am living in. I treasure the pitterpat of Jacks feet coming to our bedroom no matter how early it is. I love that Cole likes to have two pacifiers to go to sleep. I love the sound of their laughter and even their tears while I cuddle them after a tumble. I love that Cole loves animal noises a bath in the kitchen sink and rubber ducks. I love that they light up when they see each other. We sing and dance while cooking in the kitchen. We read and make up funny character voices. We laugh at and with each other so much.

I have posted about rough days, we definitely have had our share them. I am currently reading a book entitled" If Momma Goes South We Are All Going With Her. ( A great book about the constant giving and need meeting of motherhood and relying on our Heavenly father to replenish us.) There is so much hard work and so many ways to turn your perspective to the grind, shortcomings, lack of sleep, frustrations and hardships. I have stopped over there and even set up shop a few times! However, the bottom line is the longer that I wear the hat of mother the more comfortable it becomes and I would not trade one moment.

"Every good and perfect gift comes from above..." James 1:17