I have been reading about families in crisis here and here for a while now. Then a BGA classmate's three year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. They began a Caring Bridge site to keep everyone updated. It hit so hard for all of us. They are our age, we knew them so well, their family is so beautiful. How is this possible. I read each of their posts most every day and they break my heart. Brad asked me the other day "Why do you read this stuff? It is so sad." I answered, "Because I have to!" I have to because they are living true faith. Each and every moment is a test, a continual re-up in their beliefs. I have not even come close to facing a test of this magnitude. However, I also know there is no promise that I will not. Each of these families at one point were JUST LIKE mine. They lived and loved and probably took things for granted like I do. I read them because I know every moment that I have lived without one of these moments is completely the road God designed for me. However, since I do not know what the rest of this road will be like, I want to say I have treasured each of the moments that I have had. I want everyone in my life to know that if my world were turned upside down tomorrow I have had so much more than I deserve, could have thought possible and even exceeds the limits that my brain will hold. Here are just a few: God's grace, God's strength, God's love, God's faithfulness, and God's power. The feel of the first flutter in my belly of a new life, the sweet smell of a newborn, and the way that newborn connects himself to a part of my body as though it were made just for him. The way a newborn first moves his mouth into a perfect "0" and looks around the world in awe. The way a woman's body is made to house, feed and nurture a new life. The transformation that takes place from early baby days into infant times and on into childhood. These days that cement the bond between mother and child yet continually change so that you are always aware that you are rearing a person to leave you and one day make their life!
The wonderful transformation a marriage takes as you are sharpened through the trials of living together, holidays, hormones, pregnancy, early baby days, and parenthood. The love that you share with your mate for your children. A love that only the two of you realize how wide and deep it extends. Also the love that grows between the two of you as you paddle with all of your might to maintain an intimacy that excludes the children.
The shoulders we have been given for our children to cry on, to carry this level of responsibility, to snuggle into, to wipe noses on and to protect our little ones from things that go bump in the night! Our hands that envelope smaller ones, give pats on the back, caress them back to sleep, hold their faces to tell them that you love them "as big as the sky and as deep as the ocean." Our eyes that gleam with pride as we watch them take their first steps and say their first words. The way I feel when Jack looks straight at me and says "Momma, do you know that I just love you so much?" The fact that I never can believe it could get any sweeter yet it continually does. I could write for days. This literally barely skims the top. These are the things that I am the most passionate about but there are also things just make me smile... like when my husband comes home a little early or a lot, a great bargain, a smooth day, popcorn and m&ms, girls lunches, fall leaves, hot cider, a tub with jets, a nap, a simple but pretty craft, date night, a passionate kiss, all four of us in the bed, holidays and all the crafts, music, decorating and activities that go with them, fresh tomatoes, travel, the smell of a bonfire, waking up to waves at the beach, fruit tea, pictures of my children, candles, watching Brad play wildly with the kids, fresh sheets, books, libraries, a funny story, the giggle that comes with finding the perfect tickle spot, the joy on a child's face that comes with a surprise, a thrill, or a new idea. This is such a small part of the list of my blessings and such a small testament to how great our God is. I always want to stay fully overwhelmed by all I have been given even if it were to end right now.
